Friday, 29 October 2010

Maud Watt Sorts Your Life Out I

Thank you for your contributions. I'll leave Maud herself to dissect them. 


My wife tells me I take chess far too seriously. I totted up the numbers and found that, over a typical week, I play one league or club match and about 10 hours online. Is this really too much for someone of around 1800 strength? 


JD, Peebles


Firstly, congratulations on having a wife. Must be fucking nice. I had a husband once but, after 23 years of gambling away our savings, he eloped with the till girl from William Hill. Apparently, a punter had placed a £200 bet at 25/1 with her that he would become a grandmaster. He fell in love with her because she'd managed to drive him down to such short odds, when 250/1 would barely have been value.


10 hours of online chess per week is a bit much. I recommend cutting back to 6 and using the other 4 to watch porn. Who knows, you might pick up some bedroom tips. That would be a double win with your wife, would it not?
_____________________________________________________


Sometimes I dream about the chess match I've played that evening. Is this normal?


TLD, Dunstable


I imagine that Geoff Hurst has dreamt of his World Cup Final hatrick in 1966 on countless occasions since. However, that was a significant event. Beating someone graded 140 in the British Legion on a Wednesday isn't.


Seek help.


_____________________________________________________


Do you have an urgent chess issue to resolve? Email extremelydistressingnews@gmail.com with 'Maud Watt' in the subject line.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Creative Commons Licence
Release The Kraken by Philip Makepeace and Christopher Russell is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License.