Friday, 6 July 2012

Crime is Confusing

There's been an addition to the ranks of ECF officials. With the recent furore, we'll forgive you for having missed it. This particular official's unlikely to waste money though, primarily because his budget will be paltry, if he gets one at all.

From his rotting cell at HMP Pentonville, Charlie Fry will be coordinating all things chess for jailbirds everywhere, having been put away in May for crimes against hair. 


Initially it was rumoured that he'd killed Vidal Sassoon, but it was recently revealed that he bludgeoned a particularly hirsute Ipswich Town supporter to death with a side of beef. To be fair, there aren't many of those in Camden. Ipswich supporters, that is; Camden is crawling with butchers.

So if you're planning to go inside any time soon, your favourite game is in good hands. Skilled, murderous hands.

Friday, 2 March 2012


Last weekend's BUCA championship was subject to heavy disruption following an outbreak of cholera in High Wycombe. Every player took offence at the exasperated attempts of organiser Alex Holowczak to point them towards the toilet so, as a result, they turned the playing hall into a giant carpeted nappy. A hastily made banner which read "John Snow died in 1858. Get over it." did little to help.


Despite everyone being a student, it seems that the conditions were a shock to many; only universities situated in cesspits graced the top half of the final standings. It's no surprise that the London institutions could only manage 13th or worse.


Our man in the Chilterns, Wendell Thomas, said that the playing environment resembled "Ypres with more French Defence". One unnamed source went further, describing the scene as "like an abattoir in a powercut". 

Matters became so desperate that Edinburgh were presented with the trophy before Round 5, lest one or more of them succumbed to their symptoms during the final game. I'm happy to report that they have all made a full recovery, albeit with an improved opinion of English chess conditions.

Sunday, 12 February 2012

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Release The Kraken by Philip Makepeace and Christopher Russell is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License.