Which response would you recommend to 1. d4 e5?
RN, Dublin
Why bother to learn opening theory when you'll only fuck up the middlegame anyway? Your best bet is to pretend to be having a really long think on move 2, and eventually your opponent will get bored and leave the table. Take this opportunity to poison his beer. I recommend Aconitine, as there's no known antidote.
_____________________________________________________Maud, my clock handling has become very bad in the last few months - I always seem to be in time trouble. Any advice?
JVS, Devon
Remember that Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity proved that time is relative. Use this to claim that from your viewpoint, your opponent ran out of time 10 minutes ago. If he's too stupid to understand this concept, I often find it helpful to explain it with the analogy of the relativity of teeth. Hit him in the mouth with a brick.
_____________________________________________________Do you have an urgent chess issue to resolve? Email extremelydistressingnews@gmail.com with 'Maud Watt' in the subject line.
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